Every Type of Player You’ll Meet in a Laser Tag Arena
Step into the laser tag arena and you enter a world of darkness, neon light, and fog machines working overtime. It’s like walking into a sci-fi movie, except you're the star, the villain, and occasionally the laughing stock when you trip over your own feet.
Laser tag brings out the unexpected in people, your quiet cousin suddenly hurls across the floor with the agility of a ninja, while your mum declares, “I’m going tactical,” before hiding behind a barrel. Come for the blasters, stay for the adrenaline rush you didn’t even know you needed.
Why Laser Tag Turns Everyone Into a Character
There’s something about strapping on a glowing vest and holding a blaster that flips a switch in your brain. One minute you’re sipping a slushie, the next you’re creeping through fog like a stealth ninja on a top-secret mission. You don’t just walk anymore, you glide. You don’t shout, you whisper strategy like you’re in a spy film.
Even the quietest kid becomes a fearless commando. That chilled-out dad? Suddenly a tactical mastermind. The arena’s dark lights and music somehow convince everyone they’re starring in their own action film, and honestly, it’s brilliant.
Laser tag doesn’t just get people moving. It gets them acting. And for 20 glorious minutes, you’re not just you. You’re The Phantom, The Flanker, The Chaos Queen. And it’s the most fun you’ve had all week.
The 11 Classic Laser Tag Players
Some take it seriously. Some just want the snacks. And others, well, they’ve got moves that belong in an action film (or at least a TikTok). From sneaky ninjas to screaming sidekicks, every game of laser tag turns into a wild cast of characters you’ll never forget. You might even spot yourself in the list.
Let’s meet the legends…
1. The Stealth Ninja
This one moves like they’ve trained with special forces, only with more crawling. You won’t hear them coming, and you won’t see them leave. They’re the reason you keep getting tagged in the back when you swear no one’s there.
Spot them by:
- Gliding silently along walls like a confused shadow
- Spending 80% of the game lying down
- Tagging you from behind, then vanishing like a puff of smoke
2. The Screamer
They treat laser tag like a haunted house. Every zap gets a full-on scream. They're loud, they're dramatic, and you 100% know where they are at all times.
Classic signs:
- Audible yelps after every shot
- Wild flailing that somehow works
- Still talking about “that one time I got tagged near the ramp” hours later
3. Tactical Dad
Not actually your dad (though sometimes he is). He’s got a plan, a backstory, and probably a codename. He treats the arena like a mission briefing from a spy film.
Watch for:
- Phrases like “cover me” or “we need a flank”
- Overuse of finger-pointing and whisper-yelling
- Actually using hand signals. Inside.
4. The Camper
They pick a good spot, and never leave it. Ever. You’ll be hit from the same angle ten times and still forget they’re there. Their superpower? Immobility.
Look out for:
- One glowing vest wedged behind a barrel
- A suspiciously high score despite never moving
- Being tagged again... and realising they still haven’t blinked
5. The Phantom Tagger
You hit them. You definitely hit them. But somehow, their vest didn’t flash. They shrug it off, pretend nothing happened, and carry on zapping.
Telltale signs:
- Shifty eye contact when questioned
- “Maybe the sensors are broken” (they’re not)
- Zero recorded hits, but somehow 17 tags on you
6. The Accidental MVP
They had no plan. They weren’t even sure what button to press. But now they’re top of the leaderboard and you’re questioning your entire strategy. Psst: MVP means “Most Valuable Player”
Dead giveaways:
- “Wait, I won?!”
- Shoots randomly, hits everything
- Laughs the entire game and somehow dominates
7. The Shady Swapper
Started on your team, ends up helping the other side. No loyalty. No shame. They thrive in the grey area between chaos and confusion.
Spotted doing:
- Whispering tactics to the "enemy"
- Tagging both teams “by mistake”
- Grinning like a gremlin when caught out
8. The Rules Lawyer
Knows every rule. Quotes every rule. Becomes a part-time referee mid-match. Will stop the entire game for a technicality.
Their greatest hits:
- “You were too close, that tag doesn’t count”
- Correcting the marshal on arena etiquette
- Bringing up the rulebook after the game. Seriously.
9. The Human Shield
Somehow always in front of you. Always. Their role? Absorbing shots while shouting, “I’ve got you, go!” Legends say they’ve never made it to the base alive.
How to tell:
- Constantly getting tagged while protecting others
- Standing directly in front of the enemy… bravely
- Covered in more LED flashes than the Christmas tree
10. The Rambo Wannabe
They’ve been preparing for this since they watched their first action film. Runs. Rolls. Shouts “cover me” without irony. It's war in their head.
Expect:
- Unnecessary combat rolls
- Yelling “go go go!” at innocent children
- Treating the laser gun like it’s an Oscar-winning prop
11. The One Who Just Came for the Snacks
They didn’t want to play. They were promised pizza. Now they're in a vest, confused, and shooting the floor. But weirdly... they’re having fun.
Signs include:
- Constantly asking where the exit is
- Holding the gun like a shopping basket
- Saying “can we get slushies after this?” mid-battle
How to Spot (and Beat) Each Type
Laser tag isn’t just a game. It’s a battlefield of personalities, every player armed not just with a blaster, but with their own “unique” strategy (and we use that word lightly). Knowing who you’re up against is half the battle. Are they a silent shadow in the dark, or the loudest person to ever wear a vest with flashing lights?
Spotting the player types isn’t just funny, it’s useful. Whether you're facing the chaos of the Screamer, the silent menace of the Phantom Tagger, or the organised chaos of Tactical Dad, you need a strategy.
Here’s your ultimate cheat sheet to outwit, out-zap, and outlast every type of laser tag warrior:
Stealth Ninja → Move unpredictably
Camper → Flush them out with teamwork
Screamer → Distract them with volume
Phantom Tagger → Aim for consistent shots
Tactical Dad → Respect the drill sergeant, then flank him
The Human Shield → Let them run ahead (and take the hits)
The Lurker → Shine a light on the shadows
Selfie Saboteur → Use the flash against them
The Over-Dressed Try-Hard → Exploit the drama
The Hide-and-Zap → Catch them on the retreat
The Rule Enforcer → Use their rules against them
So… Which One Are You?
Let’s be honest, you probably recognised yourself at least once. Whether you're The Screamer or The Camper, every character adds to the chaos, the fun, and the bragging rights.
Next time you're at Tenpin, embrace your inner laser tag legend. With state-of-the-art arenas, flashing vests, and just enough smoke to feel dramatic, it's the perfect excuse to go full character.